Heart, tell everything.

today is the 22nd days of me and houman's relationship.
2 days ago,
i meet with Kayla and she is asking me did Houman ever told me,
why does he in love with me so much?

oh, and i realised i never ask him this question.
I meet him again at KL on sunday,
i took train here and we meet up.

My sem break was terrible,
and i decided to take some part time job,
i found one opportunity at KL kota damansara =)

Today is Monday,
i should start working today until this Sunday.
This Morning was awesome,
after a short briefing of my job,
he brought me to Mccafe.

MCCAFE is AWESOME !

this piece of double chocolate muffin is so yummy-licious =)
it is still hot and fresh while serving !

and this mocha is great too ! =)


by the way,
well, there is a group of production team there,
preparing to record a new commercial for SAMURAI Mcdonald Burger.
SERIOUSLY, there is a guy dressing like SAMURAI !

cant wait to watch the commercial =D

i am working as Nivea Promoter.
The part time job is......
i dunno if i should describe it as wonderful or reversely...

Imagine, i have NO SUPERVISOR there to stalk on me about my punctuality and sales =_=
IT IS GOOD, for me.
and i know myself,
i am a bad employee who sneak for lepak-ing around,
whenever, whereever i had a chance.

so, when i figured out that there is NO ONE who supervise on my work,
i lepak and i actually LEFT the working place, after an hour i been there =_=
Oh yeah, i am amazing , as usual =)




We went to Primo Bar (my bf's bar near my part time's working place, Giant),
and i received a msg from the so-called "supervisor" of mine abt 3.30pm:
"Today u can go back already since no stock in the store, 
but the salary is count for whole day for today."

DAMN, MY CURSE WORKS !
i worked for few hours (suppose is 12-9, but i worked for 1 hour and i left the working place),
and i get RM 105 today !
=D
*claps claps for my lovely monday*

at night, we walked around The Strand like wad we used to do when we are bored in his bar.


"so honey, can i ask a question ?"
"Honest, Mature, Understanding, Respectful, Humble."
"hemmm..."
"and also, u are not using me as a device like wad alot of women did...."
(yes, i know that i am nt a girl who takes advantages or used a man,
i cant, maybe i should, but i just cant. i am always the girl who being takes for granted by others.
hemmmm. i am a stupid women.)
"thanks honey..."

and i forwarded this answer to Kayla,
tat women asking me if i am drunk =_=
insane !



when we are home,
he revenge,
he asked me back :
"So honey, tell me, why do u love me ?"
My mind , is BLANK.
i never think abt this,
and i really dunno how to answer this.......
yes, why ? why do i love this man ?
i tried to switch to anther topic,
but he insisted want me to answer that...
"becoz, i am who i am in front of u"
(what ?! such a shallow answer ! )
and he start to show his dissatisfaction of my TOO SIMPLE answer...
i was UNABLE to continue.
i act like i am unhappy becoz he is complaining abt my answer,
and i told him i need to take a shower.

i went into the room,
and i laid on the bed,
i was so down in a sudden.

and my tear, dropped.
I MISS RIDA.
I MISS RIDA SO MUCH.
we never contact, since the day he said he dont want to know abt my life,
my new relationship anymore,
and wanted to delete me from his facebook.
(but i done it on him instead of him, before he had a chance to.
becoz i am really angry with him for dumping me like this)

i hate him so much,
but i really miss him so much.
most of my idleness time,
especially when i am driving,
he is running in my mind.
it makes me suffer, actually.

I love him too much,
i cant let go,
he found a new gf,
who he claimed that she is sweet, kind and good girl,
he said,
i were like her, and he hope i stay like a good girl.

so, do he mean that, he found someone like me ?
i HATE the feeling of being REPLACED.

i said,
"congrate..........."
 "all the best, i am happy that u found someone better. "
but deep inside my heart,
i dont bless u and ur new relationship.
i DONT !
I HATE U !

he is a guy that i NEVER UNDERSTAND HIS MIND, NEVER,
even-though sometimes i tried to put myself in his personality,
and try to figure out wad he will think in some situation or cases,
but i still doubt if he thinking the same, like what i think he think.

did he miss me like how i miss him,
eventhough i am now with another guy who love me so much ?
did he, still put me in the first place in his heart,
like how i reserved his 1st place my heart now ?

i think he dont..................................




my bf, love me so much.
i feel my guiltiness toward him,
after i finished writing this.




Gwen, u should not do tat.
Gwen.
STOP IT.